Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
