Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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