So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
