she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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