I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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