let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
