Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
