i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
