Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
