me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
