i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
