I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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