Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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