Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
