I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He passed out mid-signature
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
