You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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