cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
