if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
