"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
