just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
