can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
