She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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