so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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