This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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