i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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