Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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