this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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