I can text with my tongue
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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