Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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