I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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