id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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