peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
