Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
jump out the window naked night went bad
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