I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
