She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
