HIV tests are more positive than that guy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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