I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
