Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
