I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
