I seem to have left my pride at pride
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
