New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
