I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
