Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
