My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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