i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
