dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
