I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
