wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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