I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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