There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
