Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
