My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
