I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
