Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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