my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
