You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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