I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
