no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize