she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
