Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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