I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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