I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
