So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
