I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
