WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
