I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
