How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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