just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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