A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
FUCK WHALES
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