went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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