This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
