I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
