So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
