Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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