Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
