I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
