This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
