Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
