I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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