allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
