How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
