this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
