absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
