Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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