Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize