I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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