I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
