In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
