i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
