In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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