after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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