Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
