Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
