she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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