I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
