what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
