Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
