Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
