If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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