would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
