Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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