I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
