Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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