I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
