Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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