I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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