New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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