I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
