At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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