Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
