Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Two words: nipple clamps
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