take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize