Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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