she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
