I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
